No one loves me...

Oct. 25th, 2008

move on...

Okay.. Upgraded to http://www.lonely-gurl-xiaoran.blogspot.com. :)

so. for farewell.. I have prepared this emotional poem? haha. enjoy.

遇到你真心爱的人，要努力争取和他相处下去，因为当他离去时，一切都来不及了...

遇到可向新的朋友时，要好好和他相处，因为在人的一生中，可遇到知己真的不易...

遇到人生中的贵人，要记得好好感激他，因为他是你人生中的转折点...

遇到曾经爱过的人，记得微笑向他感激，因为他是让你更懂爱的人...

遇到曾经恨过的人，要微笑向他打招呼，因为他让你更加坚强...

遇到曾经背叛你的人，要跟他好好聊一聊，因为若不是他，今天的你也不会懂得看清楚在这世界...

遇到曾经偷偷喜欢的人，要祝他幸福唷！因为你喜欢他时，不是希望他幸福快乐吗？

遇到匆匆离开你人生的人，要谢谢他走过你的人生，因为他是你精彩回忆的一部分...

遇到曾经和你有误会的人，要趁现在解清误会，因为你可能只有这一次机会解释清楚...

遇到现在和相伴一生的人，要百分百感谢他爱你，因为你们现在都得到幸福和真爱...

- Ends off -

Oct. 23rd, 2008

needs some resting...

Just needs some resting ba. Haix. Shit me, still cant control myself at all.

Today didnt go welfare, because Jocelyn was unwell ar.. Better take care orh.. She suffered from food poisoning sia. Not to be neglected.. No matter, it was pushed backwards to 28 Oct (Tuesday). Luckily i didnt put dental on that day :P

Will try to blog less often le ba.. So sian... Haixxxxx...T_T

- Ends off -

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Oct. 22nd, 2008

I dont want to be strong...

Can i not be strong anymore...? Yea, i can pretend no more... Even with colleagues at work, or facing my family at home.. I am so afraid i might break down all of a sudden.. Sitting in a corner, holding onto the phone or staring at the computer screen looking for his contact to pop up all of a sudden.. But nothing of that sort happens of course.. It's only me waiting like a fool.. Or really as what he said... "i think you only want to be with me because i care for you too much le.." T_T Now the only thing i can do, is to let both of us be quiet for 3 months.. See how things go after that.. I know from now onwards.. i have to be resistant enough against contacting him... It's not gonna be easy, but i really cant do anything else.. What's what those "forever and ever", "Love always".. It doesn't stand long at all...

I am really sorry for the confusion, if it really affects you so much... Harmony brings prosperity, and i am really happy that i helped today..

Tomorrow going for welfare and helping Kerene to celebrate birthday as well ba. We are doing an advanced one because her actual birthday falls on a Sunday, and we wants to get welfare together with the celebration as well ba. LOL not too sure? We are going to Minori Japan Restaurant for dinner. Never went there before, hope there are things for me to eat over there? it's like quite far, at UE square, around Clarke Quay zone.. Maybe Kerene will drive us? LOL. :P

Also got news today that Felicia has booked the play to watch for us on 2nd December le ba. Looks quite nice, Haha. Although i am back to school le, i was still asked to join them. Nice one, thanks people. LOL. All the best...

Just walk away by Vanessa Hudgens.. Really speak my heart... :(

- Ends off -

Posted at 11:13 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Thanks for the concerns!!

Really thanks to my colleagues.. For showering me with concerns and giving me many golden advices!!.. After all, they are really more experienced than me in all areas, so i shall just listen modestly. Hehe.. But they really let me know that there are indeed many people who will be there for me when i need them... SO TOUCHED!!. haha

Today first day without him in my life at all...Still trying to think that i cant depend on anybody else le.. Adapting to this lifestyle for the time being.. Unstable emotions.. But unhappy and moody most of the time. Hope my colleagues wont find me "sian".. haha. Take care all, people!!

PS: Thanks Magdalene for really being such a dear to me. Haha. Always cheerful and being by my side cheering me up as well. You really understand what i am going through right now. Happy working together okay? Take care too.

- Ends off -

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Oct. 20th, 2008

After effects of breaking up...

Yea broken up.. so what...? it's just this memorable date then.. 08/09/06 to 20/10/08.. okay, that's 2 yrs 1 month and 12 days. impressive already. take care.

PS: waiting for you.. till you are confirmed that you wont be with me again anymore.. then will i hunt for the next prince charming...

- Ends off -

Oct. 18th, 2008

I am an alien...

Yes yes, i really want to be an alien.. Because i don't want to stay on earth anymore. I find myself not understanding how human works and believe i can only work and communicate well with aliens. It would be such a win win situation yea? Great :)

Went work today. First to reach. Did some setting up, for the first time. lols. Magdalene and Jocelyn came after. Had nothing to do, everything i did was my own stuff. Except for some updating of the AR list.. >.< 4 hrs only, very fast over le. Before leaving.. Jocelyn told us things that we never ever in our lives can imagine that it will happen.. So she was cornered.. and blamed for things that we have done wrong.. It's not wrong actually, just that we have offended them ba. We have done what we should, but they just want to be calculative and remember every mistakes that we have made so that the other time they can come back and say us again.. The masks that they were wearing.. Suddenly became so obvious to us.. Initially i thought we have to tighten our actions as year end is coming and more people are coming to find job and more responses to advertisements.. But.. Little did i realise that those warnings that i received and was unhappy about it, actually it was out of no choice.. She had to be the "bad" person so as to let others happy. Haix. How bad we were, to make her keep this to herself so long. Luckily she told us now, and i will never let them have a chance to say us again. Rest assure.
I really hate comparisons.. I dont mind being the lousier one, but there is really no point doing so.. Thanks for Jocelyn.. For defending me.. When i am being condemned and sounded like i didnt worth anything.. I admit that i wasnt as competitive, but as what Jocelyn has mentioned. We have our own strengths and weaknesses.. So long as we do what we are suppose to complete... Please dont come and affect our daily lives please.. Thanks...

Tuition center was as usual lar, nothing much happened. Just hoping for more students to come in. And apparently our wish came true? Coz more people came to ask and registered. Aiya, it might just be because their examz have just finished and they realised that their Chinese cannot make it at all lar. LOL.

In the past.. When i was still learning Speech and Drama, my teacher asked me, "what is the first sense that you will want to lose?" Being young and ignorant, i only replied what came first to my mind. Yea, and my answer was "mouth". Ermz, no reason, just that it came to my mind first lor. But now.. My answer would be "eyes". Why.. Maybe.. because i dont want to see more of things that will affect me seriously lor.. Like couples.. very close friends.. on the move.. yea.. i would rather walk half way and knock into the street lamps or fall into traps. In this way, maybe friends will come and pity me and start to get concerned about me? lol. why do i have this thinking? dots.

Tomorrow we are meeting.. But i think.. I will just treat you like a friend first...? couple.. It shall just be a status to us for the time being...? ermz, i am just fulfilling what you have wanted us to do so ba.. ai mei... this is the word to describe.. i dont mind getting wei qu or anything.. so long as you are happy.. i can see you.. it's enough for me.. no very close physical interaction or intimate actions between us ba.. see how...

- Ends off -

Posted at 11:57 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

everything.. i really tried my best...

Another colour that soothes the eye yea? By the way, did i wrote "readers" the last post? Okay yea, do i have even a reader....? LOL. I feel that i am a failure.. yea.. everywhere, my report card is 0 for every subject... >.< I have no tutors, so, i am left to stand on my own. My pillar of strentgth whom i have always depended on, is also slowly being strayed away by some other people...

Nonetheless, morning still went work. It was again an unhappy trip with him commanding and unhappy-ing about me. Haix, those "friends" of his at NOEL. they are not helping me a bit. i tried to forget those unhappiness by devoting the whole of my energy into work. it did helped me abit, especially with my cheerful coleauges. But of coz, i still have to settle the root of the problem sooner or later. Haix. Lunched at Cafe Cartel and it was amazing. Damn full.... lol

End work le.. Went to meet Chor Peng at Tanah Merah MRT with Mag. Got off to Dhoby Ghaut Plaza Singapura. Waited for about 1 hr 45 mins before we can get our butts into The Manhattan Fish Market. But it was definitely worth the wait because we had endless discounts and freeflow(s). lol. Went to slack around somewhere then went home le. Actually wanted to send a friend off at 11pm, but in the end didnt had any news of it so just went home lor. Even so, i reached home at 1230am okay.. TIRED lar.

Dear.. We are slowly drifting apart.. Isit really because of work..? Please dont get strayted by those people.. Keep to the right stand, even how much you want to do the wrong things.. SIP is ending, they wont be of your problem anymore.. Haix.. Hope you have realised how you have treated me for the past few days.. No doubt girls should listen to guys, but this brings on the issue of equality now.. We listen to one another, and not just commands but also the heart felt feelings as well. I have no one to talk to, so when you are like this, i am left alone... You know my situation.. So dont leave me in the lurch... with me alone.. only...

Friends.. Thanks for the lovely friday night..
I just realised.. Themeparks are really not suitable for some people.. No matter how hard they want to get onto the rides, they just realise that they are either on maintenance, or they just dont want to operate for them. They feel rejected, and start to think "why arent the rides opening up to me?" They can only stand at the side, staring at their cold appearance, but they cant do anything to make them move. They even wished that the operators will do something about it, but they didnt intend to do anything either.. Leaving them staning poorly beside those rides and cant join in the fun at all.. Who can understand them...? Getting the fear of going to themparks away from them..? It might take awhile.. But they hope that someday, they will be able to get on those rides and join in the fun again.. :)

- Ends off -

Posted at 08:56 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Oct. 16th, 2008

moody.. arghhx..

Okay, today shall change a different colour then. Not that my mood has changed for the better, just that i take my readers as priorities, regardless of who they are. 7pm, and i am still stuck in the office. Not because i cant finish my work lar (what loads of work can i not finish?), just that i have to do extension until 7pm lor. Sianx... >.<

Now.. It's my turn to be puzzled.. As host, we of course welcome more people to work together. As said, the more the merrier.. But, why do you have to criticise me. Especially in front of the whole company? I dont care whether you are intentional or not, but haven you learn from HR that criticism should be done in privacy? To think you have just not graduated long ago. Yea, it affected me a lot. You can be nice to your boss, why cant you be nice to me too? Your hostile-ness towards me made me feel intimadated, such that, i want to have as minimal interaction with you as possible. You may seem friendly and all, but why cant you just treat everybody the same?? lol. no comments, anymore.

My moodiness because of the criticism affect me so much such that Felicia and Magdalene realised the exceptionally quietness in me when we were going for take-aways. They even bought me MILO and DONUT to lighten up my mood. REALLY. It touched me, the bottom of my heart. It's really rare to find someone who cares for you that much. Shant care whether they are wearing a mask or not, coz i know those actions also came from the bottom of their heart. When i leave, they will be the first that i will miss the most!! :))

Friday going out with friends. Thanks for the invitation loads. I really anticipate it. Hope we will have loads of fun together okay? i dont want.. anymore things.. that affect my mood.. Yea of coz, i will stop being over-sensitive lor. It's been my psychological barrier since dono when, and i have yet to overcome it. Maybe before i was born to become a TAURUS, heaven just implant me a virus where all TAURUS will be stubbon and over-sensitive. Yea, it should be it lar. I will try to change and challenge the virus. HAHA.

See ya people soon then. Hope nothing happens at night.

- Ends off- @ ADECCO

Posted at 06:54 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Share

Oct. 15th, 2008

i understand me...

Okay, this should be getting more emo coz i think i am intending to write this in total grey-ness. I wanted to type in total white, but i am afraid at the end of the day, i am typing rubbish coz i cant see what i am typing here.. =.=

Today went work.. with DEAR... unhappily.. I really dont understand his sense of low self confidence when i told him it's perfectly all right with how he looking to me, and with whatever he is wearing. But he doesnt trust me at all. and insist i stand further away from him. Then what's the purpose of going to work with you? dots. But then again, maybe i can understand coz i experience this sometimes too. It's just this unknown fear of bringing embarrassment to the other party, especially those closer ones. >.< So i was so sadddd, that i even cried on the bus. (but no one sees coz we are sitting at the very back).

Left... with nothing said in particular... Reached office the first, but thought had to use key so stood outside for quite a long time finding the office key. In the end Mag came and then i realised it just needs the access card. The washing auntie even told us that we didnt close the door on Monday night, even the newspaper auntie have to help us close the next day. Omg, gotta be careful the next time. NO MORE NEXT TIME, btw. LOL.

Maybe really only i myself can understand what i have done for that night.. Maybe.. It's really because i had felt the rejection during the day, such that i felt no point of staying on? I was struggling for the whole of the day, whether i want to stay or not. Everything was prepared, the guys even joked on me and asked why i brought such a big bag. obviously, i already made preparation to get crazy with you guys for the whole night.. But as more and more people left, i had nothing to do and no interaction made with any of the people there except those who kept on persuading me to go home instead, i just took my leave. Therefore, this explains all... Maybe, this is the way for you guys to understand me more? It's not a compulsory, but we hope for the better, aint it? Of coz, we will sort things out sooner or later and be a one big family again. i am one who loves peace, and not backstabbing and gossiping beind the backs as well... :)

Hope this Friday is gonna be a good and happy one ^^. Meanwhile, let me ponder over how i can get my AR done well so that i dont make any more mistakes again. As well as, the more important one, to know how to get sociable and be friendlier.. Maybe, as what DEAR has said, books might help? shall see how..

- Ends off -

i hate DEPRESSIONNNNN!!! T_T

14/10/08
Ah ma gad, it's so unhealthy to always immerse myself in depression. But how can i control it, when my life is always full of shit. Crap. Give me the happy pills please?

Today was disastrous at work. Made so many mistakes i nearly bang the wall. First thing in the morning was shocked to see that JOYCE was earlier than me at the office!! lol. really unlike her. Then she msn-ed me and asked me whether i had photostat the news ads that she asked me to do so yesterday. BUT I FORGOT!!!!!!!!!! =.= and the stupid thing was this, i actually tot that by picking up the newspaper that i had thrown yesterday would be of some use, but i again FORGOT that i had given the cut off ones to her already.. SO PAISEHHHHH SIA. faints.

Went to do AR. again. it was blur work. had to ask here and there. even have to msg to CJ to ask for directions. >.< When can i get them on hand?!?! so difficult.... really dont like to disturb FELICIA all the time coz she also busy with her stuffs.. >.< But no matter, coz i still managed to finish everything for the day. I guess i really no need to do anything else except devoting my energy and time to AR le. arghhx.

Went SHAW CENTRE today to go to the Management's Office. Had to run errand for the Tampines Branch. It has became a routine for "temp" or "intern" to do the running every week. But i like it coz i dont have to stay inside the office and stare at the com.. They gave me the assignment to run at 430pm and they asked me to go home after i have finished running the errand. Yea that's what i did. But i would prefer to go in the morning though. >.<

Dear said he wants to be alone.. for the moment.. i respected him.. i hope i am not like a nuisance to him..

15/10/08
This morning.. hate it.. i have never heard of a couple who doesnt hold hand when going out. Not like it have to be for the whole time, but just a little while also happy. haix. that's why.. for this pain.. i would rather be alone. take care.. we are all working souls... tired.. hope to see him soon..

Anyway, thanks Magdalene for comforting and making me happy this early morning. She is really the KAI XIN GUO in the company, always smiling and laughing. How i wish i can be as optimistic about life as her. lol.

- Ends off -

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